Key Lime Pie

Ahh, another Saturday in Singers. After last night's delicious pig-out at Mrs O's inaugural cookfest, I'm feeling a need for a dessert that won't leave me feeling bloated.

Miss Z is coming over for a jog later, and I've decided to finish up the healthy series by getting the black pepper and mushroom steak with lemon-scented broccoli done for dinner. The Key Lime Pie will be a nice light finish to the meal with a tart tang.

Since it's just the two of us tonight and my fridge can't deal with any more leftovers, I'm making half the recipe into a mini tart. The recipe below is for a 9-inch pie and should serve about 6 - 8 people.

• 10 pieces Digestive biscuits
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 70g  unsalted butter, melted
• 400g sweetened condensed milk
• 5 egg yolks
• 140ml fresh or bottled lime juice
• 180ml chilled whipping cream

Preheat oven to 180C.

Whizz the biscuits in a food processor until you have crumbs the texture of fine sand. Stir together the crumbs, melted butter and sugar until combined, then press the mixture evenly onto bottom and up side of a 9-inch pie tin. Bake crust for 10 minutes and let cool while you make the filling.

Whisk together condensed milk and yolks in a bowl, then add lime juice and whisk until combined well (mixture will thicken slightly). Pour filling into crust and bake for 15 minutes. Cool pie completely then chill for another 3 hours.

Just before serving, beat cream in a bowl with an electric mixer until stiff peaks form. Serve pie topped with a dollop of cream.

Homestyle Carrot Cake with Lemon Cream Cheese Frosting

Moist, spicy and tangy... It's like a party in your mouth!

This is a long-time favourite from way back when. The secret to making this cake go from good to OMFG is using freshly grated whole nutmeg. The aroma is so heady that it makes you want to plunge headfirst into the batter.

The second secret is using good cream cheese for the frosting. Resist the urge to get a huge block of generica on the cheap. Use original philly and you'll taste the difference.

Finally, don't be shy about the frosting. Slap it on thick and good. But if you don't want frosting, the carrot cake is good on its own too.

Makes an 1-inch/ 20cm cake:

For the cake:

• 1 ²∕₃ cups sugar
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 ¼ cups flour
• 2 ¼ tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp nutmeg
• ½ tsp allspice
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 tsp baking powder
• ½ tsp baking soda
• 3 (60g) eggs
• ²∕₃ cup vegetable oil
• 1 ½ cup grated/chopped carrot
• ½ cup roughly chopped walnuts or pecans

For the frosting:

• 500g cream cheese, softened
• 170g unsalted butter, softened
• 1 ½ cups icing sugar, sifted
• 1 ½ tsp vanilla extract
• 1 lemon, grated zest and juice

Preheat oven to 175C. Grease 2 springform round tins and line bottom with parchment paper.

Sift together  flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, salt and baking soda and baking powder. Set aside.

For easy wash-up, chop carrot in food processor. When fine, chuck in nuts and pulse till roughly chopped.

Whip eggs and sugar until thick to till light yellow and runs off your beater like a fat ol' ribbon. Gradually add oil until evenly blended.

Fold in sifted flour mixture gently. Add grated carrots and nuts until well mixed.

Divide the batter between the 2 cake tins and bake for about 45-50 minutes. You'll know it's done when a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. Let cool completely before you start frosting.

On to the frosting:

Blend cream cheese till nice and smooth. Add cubes of butter, blending well in between.

Sift in icing sugar and blend till fully incorporated.

Finally, mix in vanilla, lemon juice and zest. You should get a smooth creamy icing with no lumps. Cover with cling wrap and chill for an hour to let it firm up a bit.

To assemble the cake, spread a layer of icing between the two cake layers and frost all over. Chill for 2 hours in the fridge so the icing sets firm.

For a step-by-step picture guide on cake frosting, click here.

If you can resist, eat it the next day. This cake just seems to taste better when left overnight. It also keeps well. Up to 4-5 days if whole. However, if you've already sliced it, make sure you cover it so that it doesn't dry out in the fridge.

Beer butt chicken

I have a theory about how this recipe came about.

Some skanky chef ho probaby got tanked on beer in a sleazy bar, picked up a random dude and got laid hard in a one night stand. The next morning, she woke up with a blazing hangover and a really sore ass. She looked around and one-night-stand guy was gone. It was probably the best lay in her life, and she was devastated knowing that she'll never see (and screw) him again. And so, she created a dish to remember him for all eternity.

The alternative backstory is that some guy put together all his favourite things ever - beer, buttf*cking and chicken. I think this is the more probable of the two.

Here's what you need for a drunken anal taste delight (pardon the puns, I simply can't resist):

• One big fat juicy chicken
• 1/2 cup dry salt and spice rub (This is basically a combination of sea salt and spices. I like rosemary, chilli flakes, paprika, thyme, coriander and ground black pepper, but you can use any spices you prefer. If you can't be arsed, then use any store-bought marinade.)
• 1 tbsp dijon mustard
• 2 tbsp of honey
• 3 tbsp olive oil
• 1 can of beer (Different types of beers give different flavours, so experiment. I personally like a dark wheat beer and Guinness as it gives a rich and deep flavour. Using Coke is also an alternative, but if you do, don't add honey and include a generous dash of bourbon.)
• 1 cup of garlic butter (Make this by mincing 3-4 garlic cloves and mixing into softened butter.)

Wash and clean the chicken. Slide a finger between the skin and the breast meat to make as large a pocket as possible, being careful not to tear the skin. Stuff in the garlic butter in the pocket, using your hands to squeeze the butter over as much of the breast meat as possible and even out the layer of butter. This helps keep the breast meat moist as the chicken cooks and gives it a killer garlic kick.

Rub the salt and spice mix liberally over and inside the chicken. Add the olive oil, honey, mustard and half a can of beer and massage that chicken good.

Let him soak in the tub for at least a couple of hours in the fridge, overnight if you have the time.

Preheat the oven to 160C.

Stuff the beer can with the remaining beer up his butt and stand it up on a roasting pan or dish. The trick is to make a "tripod" with the can and the two legs. You'll find that the law of physics will prevail and you'll have a surprising stable bird.

Roast at 160C for 1 hour 15 mins, making sure you rotate it every now and then so it gets an even tan. Use the leftover marinade to baste. In the last 15 minutes, crank up the temperature to 190C so the skin gets golden and crisp.

Remove from oven and let rest for 10 minutes. This helps to juices return back into the meat. In the meantime, get cracking on the gravy.

Remove can from butt and pour all the juices into a saucepan. Mix 1 tablespoon of cornstarch with as little water as possible to make a paste and add to roasting juices. Bring to a boil and the gravy will thicken. Chuck in a knob of butter for some gloss and you're ready to chow down.